{Tuesday, September 09, 2003 . Food For Thought #10}
Food For Thought #10 - Mind Vs. Heart II
In response to my oney-chan,
I am neither pro-heart nor pro-mind. The Heart and Mind are just symbolic between the two different ways of thinking: Personal and Logical. Both reside in the brain (mind). The Heart is just a symbol. And in believing that, my “heart” and “mind”, through all of my life, have agreed with each other.
Recent accounts and events contradict that. My mind and heart thought differently. But upon reading your entry, I came to a different conclusion. For me, when life, video games, books, or anything gets boring, I do something different to make it more interesting. Sometimes in a book, I skip a chapter. Making the book much interesting. Loose threads are always interesting and its always fun to try and second guess what happened. Later on I go back and read the book in its entirety, skipped chapter and all and compare what I had guessed with what happened. Video games, I like to make things challenging by making myself have a certain weakness, such as using a lower level weapon instead of using the highest available, or limiting my actions so I can only do so much, making the game much more difficult. In any case, when life gets boring, I do things to make it interesting.
So my mind decided to change things, and see what would happen. Of course this had many consequences but it’s a lesson well learned.
With me, heart and mind have always agreed with each other. Unfortunately, my mind cannot shield my heart from pain. Nor can my heart shield my mind. Both walk hand in hand and both have now suffered through the trials and tribulations. Both are the cause of my actions, both seeming logical and personal. And because they agreed, they are both scarred deeply. My actions over the past few months and years, I now deeply regret. There is but only a handful of choices that I have made that I can truly say that I am proud to have made. The rest, I wish I could just dump it all away. These choices are like me slitting my wrists. Very painful and leave life lasting scars, scars that will never go away and always remind you of mistakes that have been made. And with those mistakes that I wish I could throw away, it would bring with it the pain I had caused others.
So to ALL of those people that I have hurt in some form or fashion in the pass, I apologize. And to ALL of the people that have hurt me, I apologize and I forgive you. I have chosen to stay in my “dead” state, and lament until the wounds have healed, and I can smile again.
Believe in both “Give all to Love” and “Give none to Love,” because Love will give you nothing and give you everything. You can't take everything, but you can't take nothing. It's what you give and take. Thats what you should do for Love.
